I just ate a pint of ice-cream in one sitting. Something I've done many times before. I didn't sit down to eat the whole pint (I never do), but early in I could tell that I wasn't going to stop until it was all gone. In part because it was really good, but mostly because I'm headlong into my sugar addiction right now and wanted to escape into endless spoonfuls of sugary creamy decadence.
So I sat there and listened to my mind chatter, bite by bite. It went something like this —
"Stop eating this ice-cream. This is not healthy. You're addicted.
Enjoy the ice-cream. You love the taste. Savor the moment.
You always talk about self-care and you are so not taking care of yourself right now.
Don't worry, it's not a big deal. Yes, you're out of control with sugar these days, but you'll find your way back to balance. Relax and enjoy the ice-cream.
You don't have to finish the whole pint. Really, put it down. You're gonna feel like shit. You can make a different choice, right now.
Just finish the pint so it won't be in the house anymore, and you can go all day tomorrow without eating any ice-cream."
Blah, blah, blah. It went on and on and on until the pint was empty and there was nothing left to say.
Sometimes I'm amazed, just amazed by how noisy my mind can be. How I can talk myself into doing something and simultaneously condemn myself for doing it. I wish it only happened with ice-cream, but it happens all the time — with exercise (as in not exercising), with writing (as in not writing), with TV binges, with so very many aspects of my life really.
So I remind myself: you're only human, and it's okay. It's true that downing a pint of ice-cream isn't the best reflection of self-care, but neither is beating myself up for downing a pint of ice-cream. In fact, I've so often savored ice-cream but can't remember even once savoring my own self-abuse. That never tastes good.
We're only human. We sometimes eat pints of ice-cream or __________ (fill in the blank). It's okay. We're still worthy. We're still lovable. We're still totally enough.
I know I'm all those things right now. Along with being super full and a little gassy.
Be gentle with yourselves.