I really appreciate all the comments regarding my Huffington Post article about the Ashley Madison hack. I REALLY REALLY appreciate that the great majority of them were made respectfully, even though a bunch of different opinions were expressed. Isn't that always the ideal...to be able to share our opinions without being attacked or attacking others for doing so.
A quick note about that: If you can't express your thoughts without attacking someone else who's shared <span class="text_exposed_show">theirs, please take your thoughts somewhere else. Insults and belligerence aren't welcome here. Not at all. Open dialogues, yes. Contradictory ideas, absolutely. As long as there's respect. </span>
I knew when I posted the piece that plenty of buttons would be pushed, as sex/monogamy/non-monogamy is one of the most provocative topics there is, and one of the most difficult to talk about honestly. I also know many of us have felt burned by unfaithful partners, and that's a painful reality to deal with.
What struck me as I read through the comments here, on the Huffington Post, and in discussion forums in general about this topic, is how justified so many of us feel in claiming what is right for other peoples' relationships. Honestly, it's crazy to me. If a couple has found happiness with monogamy or non-monogamy or abstinence, who are we to judge a choice that works for them?
I believe in freedom as much as I believe in anything. We do a huge disservice to the whole idea of freedom when we try to conform ourselves to a way of being that doesn't resonate with our hearts, and when we try to conform others to our way of being. Live and let live, I guess.
I'm overjoyed when I hang out with a couple whom I feel not only loves each other but trusts each other and communicates well with one another. And works hard on their relationship. I'm lucky to know a number of such couples—straight, gay, monogamous, non-monogamous, interracial, long-distance, etc. etc. etc.
No two couples are the same. No two people have the same needs or desires. This is okay. It's human. Though we are brought up with certain beliefs about sex and relationships, the truth is we each have our individual views/desires/insecurities where sex and relationships are concerned. Why do we need to impose our ways on others?
When we make blanket statements about how two people should be when it comes to sex, or how sex should be viewed within a relationship, or what a person is like who wants a lot of sex, or blah blah blah, we are ignoring the fact that we can't apply those kinds of rules to people. Not to free people, anyway.
But I've long been a fan of celebrating the differences within us, rather than reveling in our conformity.
Thanks again for being here and for adding your thoughts and your heart to the discussion. Here's hoping we all find deeper happiness in our relationships—romantic and otherwise—and less need to control and judge others in theirs.