I want to come clean about something: I love myself a lot.
I feel I'm open and loving and lovable and kind and enough and many other good things, just as I am. Much of the time, anyway.
My mind gets in the way of this love sometimes, as minds will do. It tells me much different things, things that don't particularly serve me, things I'm getting better at disregarding.
In these past months, I've been sharing more about myself, and my life, much more openly than I was when I first started this page. I'm allowing myself to be more vulnerable, and to reveal my struggles and pain with you all. I can't begin to describe what a difference it's making in my life, in part because I know it's making a difference in many of yours as well.
I know, because you tell me. I get lots of messages and comments of gratitude for sharing the things I'm sharing. It's overwhelming sometimes (in all good ways) the amount of love and support coming at me. Thank you. I'm in awe. I was going to say disbelief, but I know the power of love and vulnerability, so I'm surprised but not shocked by what's happening here.
What I'm getting from many of you, as well, in your messages and comments, is concern for me. For my well-being and peace of mind, for my happiness and self-love. I'm touched every time, and I guess I just want to assure you that I'm good. Within and beyond all the mind noise, I love myself a lot, and I'm grateful for the life I'm living. Really really.
When I wrote recently about some part of my mind telling me I'm unlovable and unworthy, I was referring to some part of my mind, not all of my being. Not even close. My pain is only part of my story, just like yours. I'm choosing to magnify it with the hope that we can all get a little something from the experience. I've realized, along with (perhaps more than) the inspirational quotes and positivity I share here, my willingness to write about my darkness and pain is one the biggest gifts I have to give this community. And myself.
What I've also come to realize is that I'm not nearly as together as I've had myself believe. I had convinced myself I was this wise, peaceful, "it's all good" kind of guy. I wasn't really allowing myself to get pissed off and desperate and sad and whatever else I was really feeling. Instead, I was talking myself out of really feeling anything that didn't align with my spiritual, "everything is beautiful" vision. Lack of vision, clearly.
This "I don't really know anything and will do my best to feel everything" way of being is serving me well. My vulnerability is serving me well. My willingness to look deeper into my darkness, into the holes, is serving me well. This community—HOLY SHIT—is serving me well.
I can't honestly say I love how difficult life can be, or I love being slammed with grief as I recognize some of my deeper pain, or I love how excruciating it sometimes is to move through even one of the lesser fears. I don't love these things. But I do love that I'm facing them. I love knowing that every tear I shed and every fear I overcome and every honest story I share here and anywhere, contributes something powerful and important to my growth.
And perhaps the deeper beauty is that all this work I'm doing, and YOU'RE doing, to become a more loving and compassionate and authentic human being, contributes something powerful and important to each other and our entire world.
I will NEVER underestimate the power of authenticity to inspire truth, or the power of compassion to melt resistance, or the power of vulnerability to unite people, or the power of love to drive every good thing in this world.
I'm grateful for this path, all of it. It all matters. And I'm committed to loving myself through all of it. Deeper and deeper, as best I can. My great hope is that you can make the same commitment to yourself. That we call can do our very best to love ourselves with everything we've got.
In love and solidarity...